There was a time when I would dread the month of February. It was a yearly reminder that what could have been, will never be.
A precious child dying suddenly and without warning is every parent’s nightmare. Our youngest, Leigh Alexandra, age 4 years, ten months, and 11 days, died at Scottish Rite Hospital in Atlanta, on February 25, 1993. It is without question the saddest day of my life.
After Alex died, Patricia and I read everything we could on how to survive the death of a child. When there was very little else to read, I edited my own book, inviting nine other sets of parents who had lost children to tell their story. It is amazing how God has used that little book and I have story after story of how it has helped others face the unimaginable. It is still in print and hopefully falling into the hands of those who need it most. It is called, WHEN A CHILD DIES: STORIES OF SURVIVAL AND HOPE, and can be ordered anywhere (including Amazon.com).
One of the people who helped me most in my grief was Rabbi Harold S. Kushner. He too buried a child, a son, and he wrote about his experience in his very famous book, WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. Although we come to very different conclusions theologically, I appreciate one suggestion he made to those of us who are grieving parents. He says that along with the rest of our child’s possessions–her dolls, her drawings, we have also inherited her unlived years.
Parents honor their child’s memory best not by saying, “I’ll never get over it,” but by living those “inherited” years as fully and as meaningfully as possible. Had I been the one to die first, what advice would I have left for Alex and Lacey and Justin and my precious wife, Patricia? I would want them to miss me, of course, but I would have told them to live as fully as possible, as a tribute to the life we shared.
That is why I no longer dread February. I am living fully the years Alex couldn’t as an expression of my undying love for her. Patricia, Justin, and Lacey are doing the same and we will continue doing so until we hear that sweet voice of hers welcoming us ‘home.’
Richard
Hi Richard; Following Tom’s accidental passing, I was asked (that Voice inside you), what can you do to honor his memory. The answer was to love and care for his precious grandchildren whom he loved so very much. In fact, one day as I was sitting with them on the sofa, an arm around each one, I sensed him smiling and affirming that was to be my job. Be the best grandma I could be and never let him be forgotten. It has been almost 7 years now and we still talk and laugh about Granddaddy. Also, it was a time that I realized never had I been so grateful for what Jesus had done so we could all be reunited some day. My prayers are with you. My sad period follows yours, March 1. Love and blessings, SG
Beautiful and touching Pr. Ricahrd.
All the best to you and your family.
Miss you guys lots down here.
Tiago
I thank God for sending you to Guilford Baptist . You were there when I needed someone to help me . Only someone who knew that feeling of shock and hurt could have helped me at that time. I will always have special feelings for you and your family. Still miss you all very much. Elaine Gaulden Falcone
Pastor Hipps, this is so eloquently said. As someone has lost two, maybe that is why I keep pushing so hard in life, the unlived lives of my children, both lost in February. You are a Godly man. Thank you for your inspiration.
This spoke deeply to my heart. Thank you, brother.
Thanks, Richard. As I who is living the inherited years of two dear children, I deeply appreciate your words here. Let’s not squander the inheritance.
My heart and prayers go out to you and the family today.We all miss her but by the grace of god we will see her again!!!!